+ writing challenge. day twenty.
i’ve seen plenty of people tremble. they tremble in fear because they know that harm that is about to befall them. whether or not they deserve it does not matter. but when you see someone tremble in fear it makes you smile. how could it not? you haven’t had to do a thing, save stand in front of them, and they begin to tremble. no effort is even required to elicit such a response, if you all ready have the standing to be intimidating you know you’ve made your mark. i’ve heard of people who tremble when they cry, but i’ve rarely witnessed it. i attribute their shaking in those situations to being a junkie, they think that by crying they can get the drugs that their body craves. of course their body reacts to the lack of drugs. withdrawal even for a short amount of time can ravage the body. then i’ve heard of people who tremble due to anger. that makes no sense to me. when i’m made i punch someone or something. it’s as simple as that. but then in this place, i experienced it. tal was talking to me, saying his usual spiel about how mum and dad always loved me, how he loved me as well, then he mentioned that after i left he suffered. that caught my attention. tal was supposed to prosper after i left, not suffer.
i pressed him on the matter, wanting to know how exactly he had suffered. he was reluctant at first, finding it hard to even share what had happened. nothing was supposed to have happened though. all dad had ever done was read the paper and mum doted on tal as if the world would allow her to do so forever. then he admitted it, dad had begun to beat him after i left. both him and mum. of course i wanted to punch someone but only tal was in front of me. he didn’t deserve it. dad was the one who needed to be punched. so all i could do was tremble with anger, clenching my hands into tight fists. it wasn’t obvious though. i knew my anger was palpable, even tal wasn’t sure what to make of my response. he’d only ever seen me mad at him when he had run into me. it was different this go around. i was ready to kill dad, whenever i did get a chance to see him again.
that was said through gritted teeth. it probably sounded more like a growl if anything, but tal just seemed to understand and only nodded. i didn’t know how he could only nod at that. why wasn’t he pissed off at dad? why hadn’t he and mum run away from dad? why didn’t they fight back? all right, tal wouldn’t have been able to do that much damage but he could have done something.
“what will you do?”
that was all he could muster as a response, but it was a valid question. although the real question was what wouldn’t i do? dad had only ever read he paper, that was all i could remember. he hadn’t given a damn about tal or myself and he seemed to leave mum to keep the peace and run the house. so why would he start beating on mum and tal? there was no reason for it. there wasn’t anything so important that he had lost. my leaving couldn’t have been the straw that broke the camels back. what did it matter to him if i left? it wasn’t as if they tried to find me, at least not that i was ever aware of. i’m sure they might have, but they didn’t try hard enough. i was still just a kid, a cocky and arrogant one no less, but it was possible to find me. when i’d first left i wasn’t all that brilliant in running away but it had worked.
“he’ll beg to die.”
“…can i help?”
i was surprised by his response. this was tal talking. the brother who was always the kind one. the one who couldn’t hurt a fly even he wanted to. the one who was still just skin and bones without a bit of muscle to actually do any real harm. and yet, here he was standing in front of me wanting to help hurt dad. i can only imagine what he went through with mum. he’d always been the one to get along with mum, it was as if they connected more than anyone else. if he got a chance to hurt dad maybe it’d be his revenge. revenge was always sweet. i knew how great it was. hell, it always made me feel better to get revenge against someone. either way tal could help if he wanted. throw a few punches dad’s way before i continued with the dirty work. there was so much i could put dad through that wouldn’t kill him. tal wouldn’t have to know the details. he’d just get his bit of revenge in and all would be well and clear in his mind. perhaps if he saw what i did to dad he’d be pleased. no. that wasn’t possible. he’d be sickened by it as most people would. that would be the normal response to the kind of pain i could put a person through.