This isn’t a fucking competition Legolas
Any time anyone says Tolkien isn’t funny, I bring up this scene.
To put it in context, Aragorn is a ridiculously good tracker. He had just been literally lying flat on his belly on the ground, his ear pressed to the dirt, so he could listen for footsteps of the army that was way, way out of sight. We’re talking miles away, here. Aragorn was listening to the ground. And from that, he figured out that there were a lot of riders, on hecka fast horses, heading right towards them, with the intention of fucking their shit up. Pretty badass, right?
Cue Legolas, a.k.a. You Little Shit. Legolas is an elf. His eyesight and hearing is ridiculously good. Like, it puts any human’s to shame.
He literally let Aragorn lie there on the ground and strain to hear footsteps in the distance for no reason. And when Aragorn got up, the little shit drove the point home by saying “Oh yeah, I see them, I’ve seen them this whole time, there’s a hundred and five of them, oh yeah and they’re all blonde and they’re carrying spears nbd”
Cue Aragorn gritting his teeth in frustration and Legolas smirking like the sassy pointy-eared fuck that he is.
This may actually be my favorite part of LOTR okay
hahahaHA my insides hurt
“I AM ANGRY, SHORT, AND I HAVE MORE MOVIES THAN YOU. RESPECT ME. STEVE. STEVE. STEVE.”
Oh god, Tony looks so fucking done. “I AM TONY FUCKING STARK. I SHOULD BE TALLER THAN ALL OF YOU. GODAMMIT. PEPPER, GET ME A FOOTSTOOL.”
PEPPER, GET ME A FOOTSTOOL.
so i called the nearby starbucks to see if they were open because my dad wasn’t sure and wanted me to ask so i asked them in gollum’s voice “HELLO IS PRECIOUS OPEN TODAY?”
and the guy on the other line replied with “YES PRECIOUS IS OPEN TODAY UNTIL 3 MY PRECIOUS YESSSSSSSS”
I FUCKING FLIPPED OUT AND I WAS LAUGHING AND SOBBING
AND THE GUY ON THE OTHER LINE ASKED “IS PRECIOUS OKAY”
trying to force someone into a fandom they desperately want no part of
Spiderman, Batman, Venom and Iron Man get loose at a kid’s birthday party
“Yeah,” I say as I take a slow drag from my cigarette, “I’ve seen a few ship wars in my day. Been in a few myself, too.” I stare off into the distance, screams echo through my head, bloody battles, blogs left in shambles, fandoms torn apart. I know I’ll never be the same again.
black people don’t have time to get their houses haunted.
“there’s a ghost in my house?”
“he paying rent?”
that murder victim was totally asking for it, walking around with their vital organs all vulnerable
The Avengers cast